Wednesday, December 24, 2008

SANTA WORKS FOR TIPS




Erin is wired like a Jack Russell Terrier (e.g. while standing still and looking at you she is visibly shaking) from the sensory overload of Christmas Eve. During dinner she wouldn’t stop kicking her chair, singing just a single sentence of a Christmas song, and standing on her chair during dinner. Amy and I roll our eyes but quickly remember Christmas and all the excitement come but once a year. The mischievous side of Erin is exacerbated by the sugar overload and the Christmas excitement.


I’m certain the rest of you in blogger land are missing the boat. Tyrel has figured out that a little “buttering-up” coupled with leaving a tip for Santa are all in his best interest. Tonight, Amy and I discovered Tyrel had left not only cookies but also left a note and a $5 tip for “doing a good job.” If you haven’t already, you better get your kids on board or their spoils will pale compared to “Tipper Tyrel”.




We’re off to bed before Santa discovers we are still up.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

SNOW!!

We have been the receipients of several days of snow. After shoveling my walks for the 2nd time in one day I set about on a google meander. Here is a funny story I came across. The author is unknown and I took the liberty of changing a few of the curse words. Enjoy.

December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our hot chockolate and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, used the bathroom and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the *sshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the @$#%^ who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the @#%^& snowplow.

December 25
Ha, Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. Man I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The WOMAN is driving me crazy!!!December 2910 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

We’re Still Here, I Think


Through all of the cluttered and random holiday thoughts racing through my head the fact that this blog has not been updated for weeks finally floated to the top to get noticed. Here is a feeble attempt to catch up all in one entry.

Despite the ever present pulses of chaos always close in the background, Christmas magic never ceases to spontaneously erupt in a home with children. Amy and I, still resenting having to return from Hawaii, were admittedly slow with the Christmas d├ęcor. Our tree was truly a work in progress for almost 2 ½ weeks before the final touches were tended to.

Erin and Tyrel never faltered. With their own sense and style they worked vigorously during the evenings to get ALL of the decorations out of the boxes. Based on their collective memories of past decorating schemes they immersed themselves in the moment, temporarily forgetting about being brother and sister (i.e. arch enemies it seems of late). Leaving them to their own devices, a true-life masterpiece was born. With very few adult touch-ups, we decided to leave the finished work as is to remind us of Tyrel and Erin’s delight and smiles during the process. For your information, this means we have left one table with multiple manger scenes mixed together forming one monstrous interpretation of Christmas night.

Somewhere we acquired a compilation of one-a-day short Christmas stories from church leaders. Whoever’s work resulted in this collection deserves many thanks. Tyrel and Erin look forward to these stories and we take full advantage of the respite from TV, housework, homework for Tyrel, general tomfoolery for Erin, etc, etc, etc and rediscover quiet during the story reading.

Finally, Amy, Tyrel, and I were blessed enough to be able to attend the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas program this year. Despite not getting tickets of our own, behind the scenes bartering made it possible for us to attend on Sunday.
I am under no illusion that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will not hold their collective breathes over my opinion of their program, but I will offer it anyway- free of charge. Suffice it to say, I have never attended this program and felt slighted when it was over. This year a reading of Henry Longfellow’s “Christmas Bells” was without question the most striking. I cannot recall hearing any recitation in any setting that was so stirring. The Robinson family will be purchasing the DVD of this year’s program to add to our library for this one portion in the program alone.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir did their part too. After swallowing some man-pride I have come to recognize that the Spirit speaks loudest and most clear to me through music. I confess I enjoy music in all of its varieties. Amy pokes fun at the mess of songs found on my iPod as they range from classical piano to rap with everything both reverent and wild in-between. Having said that, I know the sum of the music in the program (comprised of the choir, the orchestra, the musical guest, and the lucidness of hearing it all live) is greater than the individual parts. If you ever get a chance, this program and music are best experienced live.

Now if it would just stop snowing long enough that I could get it all off my driveway just once during any seven day stretch.